Learning While Looking For That Just-Right Car

As I went to bed last night, I contemplated whether or not it was time to write another entry for my blog. Bits and pieces of this and that swirled around in my thoughts, but nothing concrete took shape. 

Now, I sit here in front of the computer this morning wondering, still, if anything will take shape. And, morning evolves into the afternoon. Those swirling thoughts centered around my continued search for a vehicle (and waiting … sometimes very impatiently I have to confess … on the Lord to open the door to the right one), my desire to maintain some measure of independence, and the lesson gleaned from the car I test drove last week which, by the way, had seemed to be just the perfect fit, aside from some obvious cosmetic problems. It was an older vehicle which was fine. Taxes and insurance here in Kansas would be more palatable! I loved the color (silver), it had a sunroof, leather interior, as well as a cassette and multi-CD player – it was loaded, and handled nicely on the test drive.

A bit of back-story: I never imagined how much difficulty or how many closed doors I was going to encounter as I began the search for another vehicle. Two years ago, a good deed resulted in the loss of my 2002 Ford Escape XLT to an accident – it was totaled. God protected the driver, but not my SUV. I am very thankful for His protection of the driver, but wondered and asked why He didn't protect my vehicle. He could have, you know. He didn't tell me…apparently it wasn't necessary for me to know why … it wasn't part of His plan. Since then, many prayers have been lifted up and continue to be lifted up for me to find the right one. And, I have started asking the Lord what valuable lessons I could learn along the way.

I have test driven a number of different vehicles only to find that the construction of the driver’s seat triggered strategic pain points, or the vehicle had serious mechanical problems, or the price was much higher than the condition of the vehicle warranted. I do my homework and approach the potential transaction well-armed (usually anyway)! I have confidence, though, in God’s promise, that He has the right vehicle for me at the right time. In the meantime, it is very challenging to be dependent on others for transportation on those good days when I would love to be able to have that aspect of my freedom restored, even if for just a few hours here and there. Needless to say, I am so very thankful for friends and family who have made themselves available to assist me.

While we have some public transportation options available here, I have just never felt that those were the right options for me. I cannot explain why I feel this way.  I was thinking about that again last night, while perusing my Facebook news feed before succumbing to sleep. I saw an ESPN video posted by a friend and was compelled to click on the link. WOW! What a great story? What a great testimony!  God gifted this young man, who was born without arms, with amazing parents and with a wonderful gift of engineering and creativity which enabled him to excel, work at a great job that he loves, and to live on his own without the help of prosthetics! He even drives a car. The young man expressed the need (actually it was more the importance) of maintaining some level of independence and freedom – he did not want to be completely dependent on others or on public transportation. Boy, can I identify with that! Yes, I understand!

This last car, at first glance, seemed so perfect and I was really excited that I might have finally found the “right” car. However, upon further consideration, I realized that the cracked windshield, the pitted rust spots on the poor paint job when the hood was repaired or replaced, and the rips in the driver’s seat, not to mention the good cleaning that the inside would need, really bothered me. Fixing these things would cost more money. I thought the owner should really be more realistic in his asking price. Upon returning to the location where the vehicle was parked, after the test drive, I noticed a pretty good-sized area of freshly leaked fluid – transmission fluid. L That, of course, would require the outlay of even more money. The owner wasn't convinced it was from his car. To verify, he had me park in an area of the lot that was clean. He would check it later.

So, I came home and forgot about the leak, only focusing on how comfortable the seat fit, how much I liked the body style, the color, and all the amenities. While talking with a close friend, during a phone conversation, about the cosmetic problems, she asked if they were something I could live with. My thoughts immediately flooded with the truth of how imperfect we all are and how much God loves us, in spite of those perfections. Maybe I could live with those imperfections. I called the owner the next day, after checking on prices for repairs (just in case), but couldn't bring myself to make an offer on the car. I thought that a bit strange. Later that afternoon, though, the Holy Spirit nudged me to go back up and look under the car. I called another friend and she took me up to look at it. Ugh! So disappointed - there was the evidence…another good-sized fresh wet area of transmission fluid under the front-end of the car. The other leak I had seen the day before had, indeed, come from his car.

Now, as I am writing, several questions come to mind regarding imperfections. Why are we so hard on others, so critical, so often very unaccepting of those “imperfections,” disabilities, deformities that seem so obvious in others?  We can even be hard on and unaccepting of ourselves. Who coined that word “deformity”? Who determined what a disability is? Why do people so often judge other people’s value according to outward appearance? It is something that is culturally and socially ingrained, not only in the United States, but throughout the world. Sadly, it even happens within churches and among the body of believers. I have to admit, that I have been guilty of this myself. Still, to this day, I sometimes catch myself repeating that same initial judgment based on outward appearance and needing to ask God’s forgiveness and how I might pray for that person or group of people.  

In this light, the cosmetic problems with the car then became nothing more to me than a symbolic representation of humanity, including myself. I could live with these things, if indeed, this was the car the Lord wanted me to have and drive. It would be a concrete example of His Love and Grace toward the things we so often consider less worthy. But, it wasn't meant to be. At least not right now. Clearly, though, it was a valuable experience.

God looks upon our hearts. He knows our thoughts and intentions. A socially and culturally defined disability or deformity, or even dirty clothes and uncombed hair may affect a person’s value in the eyes of some, but not in the eyes of our Heavenly Father. Nor do those physical issues undermine the value of the person in the eyes of Jesus. He still loves them, with His unconditional love and accepts and forgives all who acknowledge Him with their mouth and believe in Him with their hearts.

Those cosmetic things did not negatively affect the overall function of the vehicle for which it was designed and created. They were superficial. Although they might have some effect on its overall value appearance-wise, they did not affect the heart of the vehicle, the most important part. However, a transmission leak is a totally different problem. That would affect the car’s purpose and could be quite expensive to diagnose and repair. And, if not fixed or repaired correctly, would do more damage. Just like sin.

Thank you Father, for looking on the heart and teaching us to see each other as You see us. Thank you for the grace and mercy You extend to us and help us to extend that to others.

Scripture references:

1 Samuel 16:7

1 Corinthians 12:12-27

John 3:16-17

Romans 10:9

1 John 1: 8-10

1 John 2: 1-6